I keep pinching myself every time I realize that it’s actually December. I don’t know where this year went, I really don’t. Looking back, I realize that I was intensely, insanely busy for most of it, so it’s not all that surprising that the last eleven months just flew. But it’s hard to believe that in just four weeks, it’s going to be January and 2014. Considering how crazy jam-packed this month is, I just know it’s going to fly.
It’s strange; this is technically my first year divorced, but it is my second round of holidays without David, since we stopped doing the family holiday thing last November. David worked on Thanksgiving, and we were already living apart. The last family events we went to together were David’s family Christmas party and his nana’s 80th birthday. But we missed everything else, so fortunately I got all of that out of the way last year. I was anticipating perhaps feeling some sadness on Thanksgiving — and let me tell you, there was no shortage of people saying “now, don’t go letting yourself get upset now” beforehand — but there was nothing. Honestly, on Thanksgiving morning, I hugged my mom at one point and told her I was “so damn happy”. I think she was a little surprised, but I know she liked hearing it. Because it’s true. I am happy. I reshuffled my dreams and I’m working it out, and making the best of the hand I’ve drawn. I think I’m doing more than okay.
The only real blights to my happiness right now are both things that I really can’t change. The first being — I am fed the fuck up to HERE with my thesis, and with less than 30 pages to go, I’m just exhausted. Really, done. I know I have to do it, I have until December 20th but my own personal deadline is December 18th, and I’m just…done, guys. I’m done. I’m tired. Finito. I’m going to get ingloriously drunk the night that I finish the damn thing. That’s a promise. I have a bottle of riesling in my fridge and I’m not afraid to crack into it.
The second would be my stupid lungs. Which still haven’t improved, despite a battery of steroids. Jess keeps nagging me to call the doctor and I think I’m going to have to. I’m still having trouble breathing, get winded ridiculously easily, and get chest pains most evenings. Bullshit.
Right now I’m trying to balance thesis, work, social life, and Christmas shopping, all while trying to spend some time with myself. I got some beautiful Dream in Classy yarn for FREE yesterday at WEBS — my dear high school friend Rob gave me a $30 GC for my birthday, and the yarn was $30, so score!. And I’m planning on making myself a pair of fingerless mitts with it. Just something small for me. I’m foregoing most of the Christmas knitting this year. I’m making a single hat for someone, but everyone else is getting other stuff. Every year I kill myself with the Christmas knitting, but with school I just do not have the time to dedicate to it. It’s all right, I’m going to be fine with other stuff.
The yarn, for those of you who like yarn pron, is Dream in Color Classy with Cashmere and is incredibly soft (merino/cashmere/nylon) and I love it. This is the color: Chocolate Night. LOVE.
I’m getting there. Just two more weeks until the end of the semester. This, I can handle.