Come the Spring

It’s another cold, sunny day in central Connecticut, but there’s hope in the air…it’s spring.

My journey to this point has been through fall and winter, without much sunshine and warmth, but this is spring, and it’s a whole ‘nother season.  I have to say that yesterday I struggled through the day (and it was a wet, rainy, sleet-y day) with a cold and aches and misery.  I tried powering through, but around 3 PM I gave up and said “Fuck it.”

Why was I slogging through this shit?  Some days you have to just say “I fold” and give up for the day.  Which is what I did.  I did all the necessary errands (paid my car tax, dropped off my car at the mechanic’s to get the timing belt replaced), emailed my professor my midterm paper, and then went home to crawl in bed.  And that was my day.  I didn’t do homework.  I knitted a little (I’m working on a prayer shawl to donate to church), and I watched The Conspirator” with my sister (a decent film, certainly nothing groundbreaking, and I could live the rest of my life without seeing Alexis Bledel in anything else — my God, she is awful).

And you know what?  I feel better today.  Not 100% — I’m still a little tired and my nose is a tad stuffy.  But probably at about 80%, and I’ll take it.

I’m leaving for Washington, D.C. on Friday afternoon.  The lovely Nicki (my Game of Thrones partner) and I are driving to Maryland the long way (re: around the ridiculous amounts of tolls) and then to D.C. on Saturday, returning to Connecticut on Sunday.  I have been counting down to this trip for about three months, and I seriously cannot wait.

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing, and I have to say it’s not only the opposite of constructive, it’s extremely destructive.  The only way that I won’t constantly be tempted to look back, though, is to delete my entire diary (on another website), which I can’t bring myself to do.  The entries may or may not be exactly happy, but they ARE mine.  It’s a record of my life, and even if they aren’t happy, they were my experiences.

I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in a rut, looking backward, only tentatively moving forward.  And I just can’t do that anymore.  I have to move forward.  It’s the only way I’ll get out of this terrible limbo that I’ve been in since September of 2011.  A year and a half ago.  Hard to believe so much time has passed.  But i can’t keep looking back.  I have to move forward.

I have so much to look forward to this spring and summer: D.C., Wildfire June (if I get a ticket), Wildfire August (if I get tickets), hiking Mt. Washington, finishing my prospectus, finishing my thesis.  And there will be other happy events in there, events I don’t even know about yet.  Too much to look back on the things I’m missing.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. – Abraham Lincoln



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