2012 In Review – Part I

For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking that looking back on 2012 would be the last thing I’d ever want to do.  This definitely was the worst year of my life to date; why would I want to look back on it?  But over the last few days, I’ve been saying, with confidence, “2013 is going to be AWESOME” and you know what, I mean it.  Yeah, I’m probably getting divorced this upcoming year, but so many other amazing things are going to happen — I’m determined to make happen — and a little self-reflection is never a bad thing.

And then I went to Salty Mom‘s blog and saw that there is a 2012 Review thing going on, and thought…why not.

I wasn’t keeping this blog then (I didn’t start writing here until October, I think), but I have a journal, so I can remember what was happening.  So here’s January – March, 2012.

January:  January started off well.  D and I had a New Year’s party at our house, which he missed most of because he was working.  I remember crying at midnight, not because I didn’t have someone to kiss, but because I was terrified that 2012 would be another rough year like 2011 and I didn’t “think I could stand it.”  Ha, what little I knew of what I could stand back then!

The first full week of January was spent cruising from Florida to Mexico and back with D and his family.  I drank my way through most of that vacation and it was delightful.  Definitely the best part of 2012.

Me on a beach in Cozumel with one of a billion drinks consumed that week.

In all honesty, the night before we docked in Miami and flew back to Connecticut, I thought about how badly I wish it would never end, because I knew going back home would just bring us back to all the negativity that was there.

One of the last pictures taken of me and D looking truly happy, the last night of our cruise.

As predicted, we got back to Connecticut and the good feelings we had sort of evaporated.  We continued to go on our way of trying to make our marriage work…which didn’t quite pan out.

A momentous thing happened though, at the end of January: I re-enrolled in graduate school!   This was, without a doubt, the  best thing I did for myself in 2012.  I went back to school part time, taking two classes (History of Colonialism, and History of Sex and Gender in the United States), and though I was apprehensive, I was excited to be back!

February: We continued to see our marriage counselor, DS, in the hopes of things improving.  Valentine’s Day was a little forced — but I think we honestly were trying to make each other happy.  David bought me pearl earrings; I bought him DVDs.

March: I continued kicking ass in school.  David bought a car (2007 Toyota Camry) and our days of sharing one vehicle came to a blissful end.  I went to my friend Tina’s bridal shower:

(L – R: Aly, Drea, me)

We also bought tickets to our second Wildfire Retreat, for May.

The end of March brought an end to my disillusion and delusions, as I would find out later.  It wouldn’t be the last time I would trick myself into believing my life could stay the way that it was…but all of that came crashing down on the first week of April.

Well.  This is getting super-depressing!   I say now: there ARE some good things coming!  It was just a really rough year.

More to come next Friday.


6 thoughts on “2012 In Review – Part I

  1. Sorry it was a very hard year for you. Awesome that you went back to school though- I have thought about doing grad school someday but I just don’t know if I could go back to all that homework and papers- so I admire you for that.
    I am so glad you are recapping with us. I hope 2013 is a better year for you and someday you will be able to look back on this year and see all of the growth and progress you have made since this point. Look forward to reading more of you blog.

  2. So sorry to hear your 2012 was rough. Mine was definitely the worst (and in parts one of the best) years of my life. I’m so sorry about your marriage, but I love your attitude. 2013 has wonderful things in store for you! And great for you for going back to school!

  3. The great thing about blogging is the chance to see how much you have changed and for the better! I was married out of college and divorced 2 years later and while it seemed like the worst thing ever, I am so glad I went through it b/c now I have found someone I truly love– and honestly that 2 year marriage was a BLUR.. one day you can nod your head with me and agree. The best part of your blog is the bluntness and that’s what I love about it! Glad to have come to you through this recap and look forward to your 2013! I bet it will be great!

  4. the cruise sounds fun and going back to grad school is awesome! my boyfriend of 8 years and i split up in july and it has been difficult but i think i am happier without him 🙂 he also got our cat so i went and got two kittens of my own!! good luck with everything, it sounds like you are going through a rough time.

    check out this post and let me know which charity i should donate to this month… i will donate $1 for your comment! http://growninsouthernground.wordpress.com/2012/12/01/comments-for-a-cause-2/

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