If you just believe

It was as rough a weekend as I thought it would be — the toughest part was moving my kitties, one of which cried the entire time — but it’s over now, and I felt this morning that I am okay, truly okay.  And I will be.

We first attempted separation back in July, which was horrific, especially for me.  I felt shell-shocked every minute of the day, I cried constantly.  The hardest part of the adjustment was that I could not bring most of my furniture, or my books, and worst of all, no cats.  It was too hot, I cried all the time, I wanted to go home, my heart was sick.  The house (my recently deceased grandfather’s) was old, musty, unclean, and out in the boondocks, at the end of a dirt road that my BIL aptly described as “a place where horror films happen.”  Did I mention that I cried all the time?  I lasted a week.  A week.  I fell apart and ended up moving home.  Plus my aunt decided to buy the house and so they needed me to vacate so it could be prepped and cleaned for sale.  In any case, I didn’t last long, and my husband and I renewed our ambitions to “fix” what was broken.  It didn’t work.  And I’ve always wondered what would have happened had I stuck to my guns and tried my damndest to make the separation work, be tougher, handle it better.

I feel like I’m getting a second chance to do that.

Living in “my new place” is interesting.  Last night was a little difficult, mainly because Tabitha was crying all over the place and I missed Ollie (David’s cat) intensely).  But I tried to adhere as close as possible to my original routine, and I slept through the night and felt really brisk and chipper this morning, despite the cold (holy crap 32 degree mornings in November?  Unreal).  And I don’t feel the same way today that I did the first morning of our separation back in July.  I feel normal, not shell-shocked.  I feel confident, not miserable.  Whatever comes of this, it will be the right decision.  I will be okay.  We will be okay.

This week has a lot going for it.  Lots of family, lots of friends, lots of happy busy-ness.  I’m looking forward to every minute of it.


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