To sweet beginnings, and bitter endings

My husband told my MIL last night that we were separating.  This has been, thus far, the hardest part about all of this.  I love my MIL like she’s my own mom.  I’ve loved her since I met my husband back in 2008.  He wanted to be the one to tell her alone, which was probably a good thing, because I couldn’t trust myself to be there without crying.  But it went “as well as it could have” in David’s words, and having it done with was…a relief.  I’ve been dreading this since we first talked about separating…in April.

This morning MIL and I talked for a little while and we both cried, which was agony.  But she wants me to still be around and she treats me as part of the family still.  Which is…great.  It really is.  I was terrified that when David told her, she would feel too awkward seeing me, and wouldn’t want me around.  But that’s not what happened at all.  I’m still welcome here whenever David and I want to come up.  Which is a relief.  I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few months/years, but…it’s nice to know that I am neither blamed, nor hated, for what passed between us.

I have to confess that when David told me that it was over and he had told his mom, I had a complete and utter anxiety attack.  I cried so hard that all of my makeup ran off.  I think he was a little bewildered because, really, it could not have gone better.  But the fact that it was OVER, that he had finally told her and I could stop worrying that everyone would cut me out of their lives and hate me…was the biggest relief I’d ever experienced.  At least in recent memory.  Oh my God, such a relief.  And I just couldn’t hold it in.  It was like the biggest weight of my life was off of my shoulders.

The rest of this weekend has gone pretty well.  We went to my cousin-in-law Amy’s birthday/Halloween party last night, which was a lot of fun.  And I met my BIL Bryan’s new GF, Allison, last night.  She’s very sweet and I like her very much.

No real plans for today, except for watching the Patriots/Jets game at 4:30 PM (I am a die-hard Patriots fan, as are all of my IL’s), and then heading back to CT tonight.  Tomorrow, the paper odyssey continues.  Wish me luck.

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2 thoughts on “To sweet beginnings, and bitter endings

  1. I am sorry you are going through this. I spent the past few months of my life dealing with the agony of separation. Whichever path you guys ultimately take, you will find your way. Good luck.
    Kiran

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