Seems to me like every time I hit a new part of my life, a new rite of passage, I start a new blog. I have them all over the place. They’re like milestones, for the love of God. I always try to find some sort of gimmick, something that works for me that I want to talk about (in no particular order: anxiety disorder, knitting, reading, fire spinning, working towards my history M.A., etc). And they never seem to work out. Because then something else happens that I desperately need to write about and I can’t because…well, it just doesn’t seem appropriate in that forum.
None of this is making sense. It’s okay, just go with it.
This isn’t going to be gimmicky. It’s just going to be me. A lot of changes are coming up in my life. I’m almost 30 years old (well, I still have 11 months before I get there, so really…I’m 29). My husband and I are separating after almost four and a half years of dating and two years of marriage, which is itself a huge, earth-shattering change. I’m coming up on the completion of my third semester of my return to graduate school (trying for straight A’s) with the intent of starting my Master’s thesis next year. I’m moving out on my own for the first time in ever. I’m also really trying to better myself in a lot of ways: physically, aesthetically, emotionally, mentally, educationally, etc. This blog will cover all of that, and probably some more.
My therapist (affectionately nicknamed “Crazy Bruce” — it’s a long story, and no, he doesn’t know that I refer to him that way) said to me yesterday that I am in desperate need of an “emotional outlet”. Most of the time, for my sanity and for the benefit of most of the people around me, I don’t express a lot of emotion. This is difficult enough right now without me crying and making things way more awkward and complicated than they have to be. So I generally keep my tears, etc. to myself.
Not that this is going to be tears and woe-is-me! Definitely not. I just would really like a place to “publicly” talk about what is on my mind, without worrying that I’m boring/upsetting/irritating anyone. (Nobody tells you that, when you’re going through all this stuff, you’re going to constantly worry about what other people think of you. Or maybe that’s just me.)
So here we go.
We’ll see how long this lasts.