Adventures in Femininity, Part I

I have never been good at makeup.  Ever.  My earliest recollection of attempting makeup was sometime around the age of 4, when my mom bought me one of those “kids’ makeup” kits that are mainly wax-based pieces of crap designed to let little girls “experiment” with makeup and to give moms an excuse to break out the camera and take embarrassing pictures of their lovely angels with circles of bright pink “blush” and greasy powder-blue “eyeshadow” smeared all the way up to their eyebrows.  (No such pictures exist of me, btw.  Thankfully).

Unfortunately, my skills never improved from there.  I have never been comfortable wearing makeup, and though I owned some products here and there, I never actually actually learned how to use most of it.  I didn’t learn how to pluck my eyebrows (just had them waxed, and not nearly as often as I should have).  I don’t use lipstick.  My eyeliner is always smudged.  And my eyeshadow never lasts.  My beauty “regimen” until a few days ago consisted of moisturizer and a swipe of eyeliner.  That was it.  Even when I tried to actually “do” makeup (and left the house thinking Wow, I really overdid it, this is a bit much, I’d see pictures later and I looked like I wasn’t wearing anything.  Doing it wrong, party of me.

So the other day, after taking the advice of some friends, I went out and bought some reasonably priced makeup from Target.  I didn’t want to haul off and go to Sephora because I didn’t know how to use it, and I didn’t want to blast my way through my budget on items I may or may not ever like or want to use.  My first day experimenting with makeup was yesterday morning.  This is the result of wearing: tinted moisturizer, face powder, blush, eyeliner, eyelid primer, eyeshadow, and mascara:


Yeah.  It still looks like I have barely anything on. Except the blush.  The blush (IMO) looks good.

Anyway.  This is what I took away from this first experience.

1. Practice really does make perfect.  And it is going to take me A LOT OF PRACTICE to get to the point where I can do this right.

2. E.L.F. Tinted Moisturizer in Nude is too dark.  Also, I don’t like it, and I’m glad I only spent $3.  Someone recommended beauty balm instead of just tinted moisturizer and I might go there.  I made the asinine decision to try “mixing” the E.L.F. with Dove day cream (to try and lighten the shade), and omg, after about three hours of my face feeling heavy and itchy I went to the bathroom and washed it all off.  Won’t do that again.

3. The following products are certainly not bullshit and really do work: Eyelash/Brow Clear Mascara, Eyelid Primer, Blush (all E.L.F.).  All of them lasted FOREVER and nothing rubbed off until I washed my face at nearly 10:30 PM.

4. I need to try liquid eyeliner.  My eyeliner stick sucks and smudges like crazy.

Well.  This is only Day 1 (and 2).  I can only improve from here.  We’ll see if I can get any more proficient than I was when I was a kid.

At least it’s not waxy blue eyeshadow, right?  We’re thankfully beyond that.


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